The Clone Wars (2008)
Posted by swannernjudd on August 15, 2008
Official Site: www.starwars.com
Judd: In a further attempt to squeeze out another bazillion dollars from Star Wars fans, George Lucas has released another Star Wars movie. This one is Star Wars: The Clone Wars, which from what I know is episode 2.5. I never liked Star Wars. I didn’t like Four through Six and I hated One through Three. This one does nothing to change my mind. In fact as someone who isn’t blinded by fanaticism, I’m starting to think the Star Wars is the greatest hoodwink to have ever been created outside of organized religion—which Star Wars almost is!
Swanner: I’d just like to say that the views of Brian Judd are not those of swannerandjudd.com or any other publication they are associated with…are you insane. Calling Star Wars a cult and making George Lucas sound like a movie mogul Jim Jones? I don’t want my house torched by a bunch of 40 year old virgins that still live in their parents’ house…no way. I loved the movie. It was everything I’d hope a Star Wars movie would be.
Judd: Coward! The Clone Wars is about a war on a planet. Does it matter which planet? No. It is also about Jabba the Hut’s kidnapped child. And here’s how stupid the plot is…. Jabba hires the good guys to recover the child. The bad guys tell Jabba the good guys are the ones that kidnapped the child, so while the good guys are trying to return the kid, Jabba is trying to kill them. That’s it. That’s the whole movie. All 90 minutes of it. Oh and there’s Jabba’s gay Uncle Ziro, who sounded like a mix between Truman Capote, Leslie Jordan and Droopy Dog. Funny coincidence, the voice actor for the current Droopy Dog is the same actor for Ziro—what range!
Swanner: It really was the same person? You are so good…that is, when you don’t reveal the entire story of a new Star Wars movie. I’m not a coward, I’m smart. I’m not going to get on the wrong side of someone who’s main goal in life is the live long enough to own a real light saber. I thought I was a good story. It brought in a lot of favorite characters and introduced new characters. I didn’t really like Anakin’s new side kick. I thought the character was added just to appeal to the young girls and it’s not necessary. I also thought that the script’s dialog was lame. It’s bad Saturday morning cartoon dialog for 6 year olds. Lucas doesn’t realize that the fans of Star Wars love that it’s not dumb downed for kids. Even the kids appreciate that Star Wars remains or I should say remained pristine.
Judd: Don’t even get me started on the dialogue or the acting. I swear I heard Samuel L. Jackson stifle a yawn while he was delivering a line. The only reason this movie was released was to introduce the follow up Saturday morning cartoon. That’s why they introduced Anakin’s sassy apprentice and that’s why the dialogue was so lame, not that it’s excusable. There are plenty action-oriented cartoons that appeal to the adults and children.
Swanner: This was basically a pilot for a Saturday morning cartoon? Why did we review this? So I had to sit through 90 minutes of that silly ass script and yet another 80 identical action sequences that meant nothing since we know how the story ends up…oh the suspense. I’m pissed now. Are you sure? Couldn’t this thing have just gone directly to DVD?
Judd: Not only did you watch a pilot for a cartoon, but you watched a pilot for a cartoon that’s already been done. The Cartoon Network will be premiering Star Wars: The Clone Wars this year, but had a mini-series back in 2003 called Star Wars: Clone Wars. Do you see the difference? There is no “The”. PT Barnum said “There’s a sucker born every minute”, George Lucas banked on it.
Swanner: I hope the Star Wars fans that have devoted their lives to the force don’t do something stupid…like letting Lucas get away with this!!!! Attica! Attica! Attica!
Swanner: 2 Stars
Judd: 1 Star
